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This delightful quote comes from best selling author and international speaker Esther Hicks, and it applies to adults as well as children.

Let whatever you don’t want in life be a non-issue!

How very liberating, right? So very simple and yet so very powerful!

When we look at raising our children from this perspective parenting becomes energizing. Focusing on the negative is always draining and when taken to extremes it can even become paralyzing. But today’s constant feed of negative information can make it difficult to stay in tune with our desires.

Worries for parents might be triggered by something we see on the news and we find ourselves thinking, “We don’t want that to happen to our child!” So we react. Maybe we hear about a new scary trend during conversation and conclude,  “Oh, we don’t want that to happen to our family.”  So we react. An article about the dangers of social media crosses our path, and we worry, “I don’t want my child caught up in that.” And, we react.

Sometimes we might even find ourselves stressing about the less admirable attributes of extended family and become concerned that our child might turn out the same way. “We don’t want our child to end up like drunk Uncle Henry, or wild Aunt Trudy!” So we react, and in this case, probably the entire time the child is in our care! So many, ‘Don’t Wants!’ followed by so many reactions!

It’s really rather silly when you think about it.

How do we set goals for what is not wanted, and how can we possibly measure success? What would it sound like?

“I think that due to our extensive efforts our child has less of a chance of turning out like drunk Uncle Henry today!”

And, how can we move forward with creativity when we are in a state of worry or fear. We can’t; it is physiologically impossible.  We are designed to mentally shut-down in order to maintain a state of ‘readiness’ for danger.

We can’t tap our capacity in any endeavor including being a successful parent when we are in a constant state of worry.

Lastly, and this might be a bit out there for some, but truthful none-the-less—We attract more of whatever we think about.  Yes, on whatever we place our energy, it will expand. Of course this is referred to as ‘The Law of Attraction.’ And this is the truth Esther Hicks most wanted us to glean from her statement.

So let’s heed her advice and make our many worries non-issues!  Let’s measure our child’s success like we measure temperature, by increments of heat and not cold.

One simple way to start is by getting together with your partner or another adult family member, and making a list of specific characteristics you WANT your child to develop.

Make a spontaneous list of your desires for your child! Then, just like a successful athlete you will visualize getting what you want!

Focus and imagine that your child already HAS the characteristics you want.

I want my child to be healthy emotionally and physically.                                                      (I see my child as healthy emotionally and physically.)

I want my child to grow to be socially dynamic and successful.                                              (I see my child as socially dynamic and successful)

I want my child to be responsible, respectful and happy!                                                        (I see my child as responsible, respectful and happy!)

These are your new goalposts and you can visualize your child ‘scoring’ in every area. Parenting decisions will come with greater ease.

The simple act of changing our focus changes how we act, and when we align with our wants we align with success!

With love,

The Purposeful Parent

About the author

Kate Martin

Kate Martin has been a high school teacher for 27 years and retired from the Racine Unified School District in 2015. 

She taught students with special needs as well as those in general education. While working with hundreds of parents over the years, she discovered that there was a significant lack of resources and educational opportunities to help them navigate the many demands of parenting today. 

For this reason, in 2013 she founded The Purposeful Parent, offering workshops and resources for parents, teachers, and caregivers.  

Buy the Book by Kate Martin: The Best Thoughts To Think Five minutes Before Bed