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I admittedly spend a lot of time online, in chat groups for dating, looking online for connections for my clients, and searching for the elusive unicorn in a sea of fish-catching bachelors. Apparently the fishing hobby isn’t limited to just men; there are plenty of fishing gals online as well. Am I missing out by not sitting in a boat waiting for dinner to arrive?

In all my time spent in front of a screen, I’ve realized that so many of us place the value and importance and our own self-worth OUTSIDE of our own heads. We seem to be a society that decides that if someone else likes me, then I am okay. Personally, I used to do this. If someone liked me, then I was okay. If no one noticed me or wanted to date me, then I had no value. So many women in FB chat groups are questioning what they did wrong, why hasn’t he called me, what could I have said…

It’s not just limited to FB chat groups. Clients of mine have done their heads in wondering what it is about THEM that is turning off the potential paramour? Did I say the wrong thing-did I say too much-did I say too little…WHY DIDN’T HE LIKE ME?!?!

I will say this about that. It’s time to take a look at what we are all doing and to stop that, repivot and reset. If this sounds too “juju” it’s not my intent. But, it’s time to stop giving away our power to the other person and change our mindset.

Here’s what to do:

  1. Think about what this person has to offer you. What that means is we all have a “list” of sorts that we want with our next partner/husband/paramour. Does this person have the things you want and need?
  2. Make the decision to get to know someone. Learning about someone takes an investment in time, energy and thought. Is this someone who seems of value that you wish to invest in?
  3. Use your masculine and feminine energy. Whoa boy. What does that mean? It means to let men lead and for women to be sweet, engaging, endearing and not bulldozers. More to come on this subject.

So, stop beating yourself up, get out there and be open to what the world is offering and enjoy. Learn something new from this man or woman. Look at it as a learning experience or practice, if nothing else.

Lori Mendelsohn

Lori Mendelsohn is a matchmaker in the Milwaukee area. Her business is www.smartfunnysingle and she has over a dozen marriages under her belt with one engagement pending. She uses her intuition and knowledge of the human condition to match singles.