As a professional matchmaker, I hear a lot of stories about how people never follow up, how they don’t call after spending time online, and how they eventually evaporate.
Let’s face some facts. Online dating is a numbers game. As you are getting a lot of people looking at your profile, the same holds true for the men or women who you are conversing with. You can bet that they are chatting with many, and if you don’t realize that, please do now. Many are dating more than one, which should be happening until you commit to being exclusive.
I’d like to give you a tip that will help you in your search, and I’ll outline it for men and for women.
If you are a man, in the beginning of a relationship, it’s your job to pursue and it’s the woman’s job to be open to meeting you. While things have changed since I was in my teens dating, the law of masculine and female energy still holds true and men want to feel they are working and vying for your attention. If the chase is too easy, many men won’t be interested. You will undoubtedly chase him away. So, guys, do the work. If you find someone who you like, take the step, take charge and make the initial moves. Have the woman meet you halfway emotionally. Now, bear in mind that if she doesn’t meet you halfway, pick up on the cues that she isn’t interested. If you have been conversing with someone and they aren’t meeting you where you are, it’s okay to ask how they are feeling or where their head is at.
If you are a woman, let the man lead. That doesn’t mean that you turn into a submissive 1950s housewife waiting on a mans every whim, it means that you basically sit back, and let him come to you. How do you do this? You answer his texts or entries online, but you do not chase, you do not pursue, you do not make the plans to get together and meet. You let him do that. The reason this works is because men need to take charge-to have a place in the relationship. If women do all the work of setting things up, it doesn’t give the man a place yet. Besides, if he is “into you” he will enjoy doing it and relish and delight in finding out where you want to go, what you like to eat, what type of concert he can take you to, and all things dating. Wooing you will become his purpose. Let him.
Many professional women ask me if they can make the moves and get things started. Many tell me that they have been corresponding with men online, offer to meet them, make the plans and then they don’t hear from them. My response is this. If you have to do all the work you are setting the tone to ALWAYS do the work. Ladies, ask yourself if this is something you want to do, or if you would prefer to have a man take the lead at the beginning. If the answer is yes, sit back, respond and allow your new date to execute a plan. Men find things that are unobtainable far more interesting than things waiting and begging to date them.
My friend, Lyn Smith wrote the book The Cupids Bow Technique. The book outlines the principles of male and female energy in polarization and how to use it to your best advantage. I have several clients who have read it, put it into place and have cited amazing results. Here is a link to it: https://www.amazon.com/Cupids-Bow-Technique-Committed-Polarisation/dp/1542500184
Lori Mendelsohn is a matchmaker in the Milwaukee area. Her business is www.smartfunnysingle and she has over a dozen marriages under her belt with one engagement pending. She uses her intuition and knowledge of the human condition to match singles.