As we maneuver through the dating scene, either it be with introductions by friends and family, with online dating apps, or by a chance meeting at a supermarket, the road can be rocky and at the very best-time consuming.
Dating takes a distinct mindset. Like playing the lottery, “you need to be in it, to win it.” Much is the same idea in dating. You have to be in the pool to find someone, as someone is most certainly NOT going to magically show up at your door. However, I have had three unique experiences lately-all giving me pause that there is a much bigger force in action versus friends, apps and chance meetings.
To have the dating mindset, one must be open to receive enjoyment and have fun.
- Go into a date simply to enjoy someone’s company. Go into a date thinking-I am going to spend the next hour to three (no more than 3 for the first date, please) hours with a new person. I am going to see how we communicate and engage. I am not going to decide that he or she is “the one.”
- As difficult as it is, relax. You are not there to impress someone. You are there to be yourself. Enjoy listening and if you know there is no ‘zing” then hone your listening skills to a new level. This practice will work out when you do meet someone of interest.
- Know that this is a marathon, not a sprint. To make a conscious decision, you need to know someone first. Minimum is a year. Think of it this way. Would you ask a friend who you just met to go on vacation with you the following week, or even worse, move in with you immediately?
- As crazy as this sounds, keep a mental list of the things that are important to you. For me, honesty, integrity, kindness, compassion, and vulnerability are all things that are important to me. On the converse side, chemistry is a huge factor but doesn’t always happen right off the bat. Keep top of mind what is important to you because as you get to know someone, having these key components will help your success rate.
- Do not get into your head after the date and start fretting about what you said or didn’t say. Do not start worrying if the person does not text you, call you or plan to see you right away. Everyone has a different schedule and to worry about it serves no purpose. Instead, look at it for what it is. Two to three hours of spending time with a new person and learning one new thing is a gift. Besides, it gave you invaluable practice on dating, didn’t it?
Lori Mendelsohn is a matchmaker in the Milwaukee area. Her business is www.smartfunnysingle and she has over a dozen marriages under her belt with one engagement pending. She uses her intuition and knowledge of the human condition to match singles.