I meet a lot of people in my matchmaking company; interviewing singles of all ages. While we would all like to feel that our challenges and issues are “our own” I have to say that we are all more alike than we are different.

We all want to feel that there is someone out there meant for us.

We all want to feel loved, and return that love to someone we can trust and go “all in” with.

We all want to feel worthy-and believe that there is someone out there for us.

None of us wants to die alone.

All of us question if we will ever find someone.

In order for us to get there, we need to make ourselves open and available, but yet, many of us are guarded. We have been hurt repeatedly, don’t trust our own judgment, and don’t believe that there is someone out there who fits the majority of the criteria that we need. If we find that, how do we trust it?

We become vulnerable. Vulnerability places us in a position of being open, courageous and unafraid. While many of us wouldn’t even dare think about becoming vulnerable, we must.

Brene Brown says of vulnerability: “Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage.” Please, bring your humanity, your courage, and your vulnerability to all of your relationships, and most especially to the intimate ones.”

Why must we do this?

To love deeply, one needs to trust and let go. When I was married, I thought I was giving 100% but realized that I had a wall up for self-protection. I thought, if I just reserve one small part of myself, I won’t get hurt if it ever came to that. You know what? It DID come to that and I still got hurt. I learned that I should have loved with every single ounce in me, and in the future will lead with being open and not guarded.

After all, if we can’t let go, why are we doing this in the first place?

Lori Mendelsohn is a professional matchmaker. With a knack for introducing people who wind up saying, “I do,” she can be reached at smartfunnysingle@outlook.com. Her website is www.smartfunnysingle.com