We have all received one.
They are truly the worst thing to get, especially if you like the person who sent it. There goes the hope of a future with someone who you like, whose company you enjoyed, and the vision you had with them in your future. It sucks!
Let’s explore them, and what to do when you receive one.
- The person who sent it is a person of honor. Before you say “come on, Lori”-let me explain. The person took the time to explain how he/she felt, and honored you as a person and gave you the respect you deserve. They did not ghost you but took time to compose a letter to let you down easily.
- While it hurts, getting a rejection letter early on in the relationship allows you to disconnect more quickly. This is a good thing because you are not going to be wasting valuable emotional space which can be used in your next relationship.
- Realize, while it may be you, 90% of the time it’s clearly the person who is writing the letter. They may not be ready for the relationship you are ready for, may not be geographically in your town, or find you attractive. Yes. I said it. But, so much better to hear it early on versus a year into it where you will be an emotional basket case after hearing those words.
- Ask questions and if the person is a “mensch” they will be honored to tell you. Be prepared to hear the truth. I did this because I felt I had said or done something to make this person feel uncomfortable. He told me, and I was right in my assessment. The only way to change our behavior is to understand what we may be doing and how we are coming across. For me, I ask a lot of questions and many times people feel they are being interviewed. While dating is like a job interview, we all need to learn to come across “lighter.” It also shows you are self-aware when you want to get to the root of the issue.
- Realize, in the midst of your pain, that this is exactly what should be happening for you. There is someone down the road who is searching for you just the same way you are searching for them. Trust.
Lori Mendelsohn is a matchmaker in the Milwaukee area. Her business is www.smartfunnysingle and she has over a dozen marriages under her belt with one engagement pending. She uses her intuition and knowledge of the human condition to match singles.