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I’m on Match.com. I’m also on Bumble.
Even though I am out and about all the time, and not a shrinking violet when it comes to initiating conversations, I also, like the rest of us, am challenged finding someone to go out. Being on an online platform and an app helps me get one step closer to finding my own personal dreamboat, I hope. So far, I’ve broadened my friend network exponentially which is fine by me.
I believe in dating a few people at a time unless you meet someone who makes your toes curl and you’ve had the uncomfortable conversation that you are going to be exclusive. It’s uncomfortable because it makes us vulnerable and unsure of the other’s intent. It’s scary to start the conversation, but it’s a conversation that we must have.
Yesterday, after a lot of thought, I decided to tell one of the men my dating pool that it felt like it wasn’t working. I explained that it was feeling complicated and more like work. Mind you, we had only gone out one time but getting to date #2 was starting to feel like we were planning the Climate Change Summit versus having a meal together. He responded that he understood and confessed that he wanted to speak to me over the phone.
He opened up to me that he was juggling too many women and having too much fun. (Guys reading this-do not, and I repeat, do not ever tell a woman this. Ever) He couldn’t decide who he should be with. He was being intimate with one, and she found out that his dance card had maxed out. But he couldn’t stop because of all the female attention he’s been getting and (I’m getting to the point here, I promise) THERE ARE TOO MANY TO CHOOSE FROM.
My first reaction was of indifference. Yeah, all the choices work both ways. It feels heady. It makes you feel invincible. It makes you feel sexy and attractive and it’s an addictive feeling, at the very least.
So, my question is-has online dating and SO MANY choices killed the idea of romance? The good old days when our pool of available people was limited to locals, friends, family and acquaintances and those of a chance meeting? Do we look for perfection now-always thinking that someone is better out there? Are we waylaid by all the choices-almost paralyzed by the idea that the next swipe or click is going to be the BEST one? After thinking deeply about it, it made me ill. It made me feel hopeless. Are ALL men like this? And if they aren’t…..how do you KNOW they aren’t?
What says you?
Lori Mendelsohn is a matchmaker in the Milwaukee area. Her business is www.smartfunnysingle and she has over a dozen marriages under her belt with one engagement pending. She uses her intuition and knowledge of the human condition to match singles.